Tuesday Night Rules

Kristen needs to get over Tom.

 

To most, this sentence would have zero meaning. Who is Kristen? And what exactly does she have to “get over” with Tom? Who is Tom?

 

Some of you know exactly who and what I am talking about. And for that, you will henceforth be known as “my people”.

 

Kristen Doute and Tom Sandoval are two cast members on the Bravo reality show “Vanderpump Rules”. It centers on a group of friends who happen to be co-workers at one of Lisa Vanderpump’s LA restaurants, SUR Lounge. Think of it as a younger, sexier spin-off of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The small group of “friends” (and I use that term loosely) are some of the worst people you’ll ever meet. They backstab each other, gossip viciously and constantly, and treat one another as if they were completely disposable. Adultery also runs rampant through the group. Every episode tears are shed, friendships broken and completely inexcusable behavior makes an appearance.

 

I’ve never been happier.

And the Emmy goes to.....

 

Although her behavior is abhorrent, one girl in particular intrigues me endlessly. Kristen is beautiful, charismatic, and a never-ending wealth of crazy. Her long-term relationship with Tom ended last season amid rampant cheating accusations from both parties, all of which turning out to be true. A personal vendetta formed when Tom began dating publicly the woman Kristen had spent the better part of last season trying to prove was carrying on an affair with her boyfriend. Throughout the show, Kristen would stop at nothing to try to dismantle and discredit Tom and Ariana’s new relationship. The thing I loved about her though, was how shameless she was about it.  She literally did not care that she looked absolutely psychotic. There was a point to prove, and she would prove it by any means necessary. Kristen gave Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” a run for her money. But there was something so intriguing about her. She was so beautiful, and I was always excited to see the latest outfit or hairstyle she had chosen for filming. Her skin tone and hair colour were quite similar to mine, so I felt an extra connection with her.

 

She was also from Michigan.

 

I have had a connection with the state since birth. I was born just across the river from Detroit, in Windsor, and have had an affinity with all things Michigan- related my entire life. I visit once a year, in the late summer, to visit my family. So the fact Kristen Doute was from my favourite place in the world was enough for me to declare myself a fan, contrary to popular belief. She even posted a picture of attending a Tigers game with her family around the very same time I was also in attendance. I think I would’ve probably had a panic attack and promptly executed 17 triple axels in the stands upon catching a glimpse of her. And then I would’ve lost all speech capability.

 

This year’s end-of-summer trip to see my family has but one mission. Get a photo with Kristen Doute or bust.

 

And preferably a “Beemer-selfie”.

"The picture"